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"It's Not You It's Me...." Or is it?


At some point in time in relationships, we hear ourselves saying or thinking, "it's not you, it's me."  Whether that relationship is with a friend, boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, or wife the notorious saying lives.  More often than not, this response is an easy way out of a potentially uncomfortable situation and I'm sure most of us have been there.  The trouble comes when someone constantly defaults to this line of thinking.


I'm going to use an example I use in my book, Find Your Selfie.  Imagine your friend being annoyed at you because you didn't text them back when they texted you.  If your first reaction to their annoyance is to apologize, you have just deployed the, "it's not you, it's me" mentality.  Before you apologize for your behavior STOP and take a minute and be mindful of the situation.  Perhaps that individual is in fact annoyed but those feelings are not your burden to bear.  In reality, it's you and NOT me because you texted me after I was asleep. 


The "why" behind the friend's frustration is another post altogether and that's not for you to figure out because that's on them.  What you need to figure out is whether you default to blaming yourself for everything.  Take a step back and begin to be mindful of your communications and interactions.  Once you start being mindful of your behaviors and thoughts you'll begin to notice if you do blame yourself and how often.  Realizing it's really not you and recognizing how to stop it is freeing!


Here's the takeaway, sometimes the saying has merit but sometimes it doesn't.  Don't automatically presume you are to blame.  


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